just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
