so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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