Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
