Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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