I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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