the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize