God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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