I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
