You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
