i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
