She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
