Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
