I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.