The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.