um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.