new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
