Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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