I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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