marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.