You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already