I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.