the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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