I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize