this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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