He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
