you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
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