yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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