Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
