worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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