8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
