I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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