do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
