His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize