I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
