having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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