It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
