I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
