You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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