my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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