The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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