it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
