Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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