I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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