i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
