we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
