She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
