sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
