Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
