The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
