you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
