tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
