so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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