Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
