If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
