just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
