when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
