I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
