okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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