I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
