I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
