I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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